Tired of reading the same old cookie-cutter album reviews? Are you forced to reach for the dictionary just to understand those pompous wordsmiths with their syllables and thesaurii? Looking for a fun, new take on the craft? Here is a poem I scribed in honor of The Black Keys’ newest full-length release. No reason, just rhyme.
El Blues Cruise
There are two men from Akron named Patrick and Dan
In two thousand one they started a band.
With Dan on guitar and Pat pounding the drums
Blues rock poured out in infinite sums.
They’re dubbed The Black Keys even though they are white
But Dan’s voice is the kind that is darker than night.
Patrick is gangly and dons thick, black glasses
While Dan soulful voice is thick like molasses.
Slaving away and perfecting their sound
A decade has passed and they’re not slowing down.
Their seventh LP dropped in early December
Christmas with the Keys will be one to remember.
They’ve bolstered their lineup to prep for a tour
Whereas once they were two, El Camino seats four.
Their squad has a fifth, I’m not talking about booze
A ringer was drafted, brought in to produce.
No slouch on the scene he’s revered far and wide
In a battle of bands you’d want him on your side.
Last name is Mouse, first name is Danger,
If producing were wizardry, he’d be Hermione Grainger.
He’s taken a sound, so raw and unbridled
Added polish and finesse without making it mild.
The Keys’ patented sound still resides at the core
But angelic backing singers are new to the score.
“Lonely Boy” chugs like a runaway train
With choreography hatched from a psychotic brain.
“Gold on the Ceiling” has a sing-a-long chorus
And the hooks are as big as a brontosaurus.
This ain’t the old Keys, This ain’t The Big Come Up
Where songs weren’t laid down, but rather were “thrown up”.
The grit and soul that seemed to come from the gutter
Has made way for a studio and the beats are like butter.
So if two black keys just weren’t enough
This version has two and a half times the love.
The sound is fleshed out and the edges are smooth
With plenty of reasons to put needle to groove.
Quick, hop on the web and buy it today
Or ask Santa for these jams to rock in your sleigh.
Do it for Dan and for Pat and the Mouse
Lest a fiery bag of poo land at your house.
But don’t try to stream it, the Keys don’t approve
Instead watch their videos on the YouTube.
They’ve traveled a tough road to “make it,” we know
And now they’ve “arrived” in an El Camino.
Band Website | MySpace | iTunes | Amazon
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TALKING POINTS
If Dan and Patrick had a child would they call him Dan Patrick?
Patrick is 6’-2” and Dan is 5’-9”. How ‘bout them apples?
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