Fame grants crazy people crazy privileges. Things that were previously considered “weird,” “well beyond the social norm,” or “jailable” become accessible. Such is the case with Lady Gaga. Her fantastically odd choice of clothing has Joe Public scratching his head, and leads me to believe her parents never let her dress herself as a child. Please consider the following pieces of evidence…
A. Even Quasimodo laughs at those shoulders.
B. Caution: Objects in this dress are crazier than they appear.
C. Her dress is “off the grid.”
A. See must have the Cadillac of dental plans, because that headgear is stellar.
B. She left her pants in a galaxy far, far away.
C. “Look at my flower…the one on my collar, asshole.”
A. Nice balls.
B. Do those things get good reception?
C. Your haircut is teabagging itself.
A. Auditioning for a guest spot with Miike Snow.
B. Please welcome the newest member of the Hollywood Elks Club….
C. What smells like Chanel and Jackelope?
A. Who uses landlines anyway?!
B. “Sir, you’re going to have to speak up. I can only see out of one eye.”
C. Future heiress of the Chef Boyardee empire.
A. The new spokesperson for Scrubbin’ Bubbles.
B. She’s ready for FedEx.
C. “Blow me.”
A. Half woman, half geode.
B. “I dig my own gold!”
C. This is what happens when you don’t dry clean.
A. Miss Piggy’s gonna fuck her shit up.
B. A big no-no with MupPETA.
C. She shops at “The Rainbow Connection.”
A. As cute as a….gigantic button made of fake hair.
B. Attending the death of that hairstyle.
C. Direct TV cross promotes with Topsy Tail.
A. Flight attendant of the future
B. Camel toe meets fine china
C. Victoria’s Secret introduces Push-Up Body Armor.
A. Her hat was cut from the walls of Lex Luthor’s lair.
B. “Hey, wannabe Sgt. Pepper. You just got worked in the ‘Crazy Award Show Outfit’ category.”
C. Match.com: Dear Mr(s). Marilyn Manson, we believe we’ve found your soulmate.
