Ashlee Simpson-Wentz is famous for a couple reasons.  Most notably,

1. She’s Jessica Simpson’s sister.
2. She got a nose job.
3. She lip-synced on Saturday Night Live.
4. She married Pete Wentz.

Until recently, I thought this was all I ever needed to know about the starlet.  While it does remain all I need to know, after doing some research I determined that it doesn’t encompass everything worth knowing about her.  Since I’m classy, I will stick to the subject of her 21-month-old son, and his unfortunate name.

“Ashlete,” as I’m sure they’re called in the tabloids, named their son Bronx, an obvious retort to all the yuppie bred babies named Brooklyn.  Yeah you, Beckham…Suck it.  As long as we’re naming kids after the five boroughs, why not Staten Island?  Maybe that is best left to the members of Wu-Tang Clan.  I’m sure ODB fathered at least one Staten Island Bastard.

Adding to the joke, the kid’s middle name is Mowgli!!  Are we talkin’ ‘bout Mowgli from The Jungle Book?! Shout out to Baloo.  Maybe his first hit as a child star will be a remix of “The Bare Necessities.”

And here’s the punch line.  The full name Bronx Mowgli Wentz yields the initials BMW.  Let me take a wild guess as to what junior’s gonna get for his super sweet 16.  Complete with the personalized license plate “DABRONX” and a license plate holder asking, “You wanna rumble in…”  Just make sure you don’t park it in public, son, or else you and your car as going to catch an ass-whoopin’.

Please understand that I am in no way making fun of the child, who is the one that will suffer (greatly) for such a name.  Rather, I’m poking fun at the proud (possibly, too proud?) parents.  I truly hope this comes full circle and TMZ starts calling her Ashlee Simpson-Wentz Potty….or just ASsWiPe.

In the end, the sport of Transcendental Baby Naming seems to be a mainstay in Hollywood, but this is an exceptional effort only eclipsed by Frank Zappa’s quantum leap from reality, Moon Unit Zappa.  With a name like that, I would actually beg to be homeschooled.  Still, I’d rather be known for a name like that than for items 1 through 4.