Mix'd Bag

Ceiling Vaulted | Americans Floored

0 Comments 04 | August | 2011

We did it!!  Go us!!  Go USA!!  Totally smoked that whole debt ceiling deal.   Am I right?  Am I right?!

No, I’m a liberal.  And no, we did not “smoke that whole debt ceiling deal.”

Rather, the entire world watched Congress stumble and trip over itself like a shitcanned Bambi at Disney on Ice.  But unlike a fumbling fawn, the scene was not a rollicking LOL moment and it did not end with Bambi mauling the hunter who shot his mom (Dick Cheney).  I’ve never seen Bambi, but I’m pretty sure this is how it ends…..right?

At a moment when the country really needed bi-partisan resolution, we got bi-fartisan convolution.  Instead of reaching across the aisle, Democrats and Republicans turned their backs to each other and just farted up a bunch of stink.  They farted smelly, farty poppycock out of their smelly, farty mouths and asses, then refused to admit that “he who smelt it, dealt it.”  Even worse, the media gorged at the Buffet de Farts for months, each night coming to bed and dutch-ovening the American public with stale, fetid air bagels.

Harry Reid and John Boehner repeatedly sounded their giant, gassy, brassy butt trumpets, airing their grievances over the opposing party’s unwillingness to sit down at the table and help promote change.  Instead, the changing table laid vacant while stubborn donkeys and elephants stomped around the capitol, pissing and moaning about their brimming poo sacks until the 12th hour.  Then, just as the stench became unbearable, their collective diaper was pealed back to reveal…

A shitty, little turd of a bill that has now been passed through the festering bowels of democracy.  And while Americans marvel at how such a tiny dookie can make for such a fussy baby our Congressmen and women stare back at us like drooling infants, smiling as if to say, “Look what we made!”

And here is where a joke about choking a baby will not be made.
So now that these Congressional “heroes” have kicked the can down the road a ways, they’ll take a much deserved recess to recover from all of their bottom burping in Washington.  “Great job, you duck-stepper-on-ers.  Now go change your diapers…in St. Lucia.”

But WAIT, what about the FAA impass?!
Well I say, “Fuck the FAA!!  They should go censor themselves, not me!!

Oh, wait, that’s the FCC…

Perhaps Congress has it backwards and is waiting until Labor Day to work.  That would make more sense than what transpired over the past few weeks.  Whatever the case may be, I just hope that when the recess bell rings, they leave their farts on the playground.


What is your favorite euphemism for farting?
Make up a euphemism for farting!!  (e.g. “Blowing Bowel Bubbles,” “Sounding the Blowhole,” or “A Fecal Prequel”)
Great Quote:  “You don’t have to be smart to laugh at farts, but you have to be stupid not to.” – Louis CK

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