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Oprah | Fun Facts

6 Comments 24 | June | 2011

Now that Oprah has removed herself from the arena of talk show television, it is likely we will have far fewer opportunities to gain insight into her persona.  I realize that I’ve already typed my way into sounding as if I’m an avid follower who feels lost and abandoned by the long-reigning queen of daytime television.

I’m not.

However, it’s hard not to be a little fascinated by this woman, this BLACK + WOMAN, who still sits atop a colossal media empire!  By no means do I point out her race and gender as a dig.  Rather, it makes the the power, stature, and wealth she amassed even more incredible.  This type of success is mind blowing irrespective of race, gender, political preference, sexual orientation or favorite ninja turtle.  (Side Note:  if it’s Michelangelo, you are and will always be poor.)

Now let’s move on to some of the facts that make O o-mazing!

She was born to a teenage, single mother in Mississippi (1954).  Based on my vague memories of Mr. Kabat’s U.S. History class (junior year of high school), Mississippi in the late 50’s, early 60’s was a hotbed for African-American affluence.  Or not.

One of the world’s first black billionaires, her combined worth (~$2.7 billion) is more than the combined cost of all garments in the Billionaire Boys Club clothing line multiplied by the combined age of the members of Cash Money Millionaires.  No citation required, bitches.

oprah-winfrey-tiny-fingers-2011_0

Oprah will crush you like a stinkbug

Her interview of Michael Jackson in 1993 garnered 36.5 million viewers (that doesn’t even include monkeys) making the 4th most watched television event EVER.

She has “co-authored” five books (read: she has proofread five books in her name) and publishes the magazine O, The Oprah Magazine.  Not to be confused with O, The Onomatopoeia Digest.1 *SNAP*

She co-founded Oxygen, the cable network that is often shown during vasectomies and eliminates the need for anesthesia, monitoring equipment, medical instruments, and doctors.  In fact, it works right in the comfort of your own home….your own pink home with doilies and fine china adorning the dining room and monogrammed towels hang by the toilet; the place where you sit down to pee.

Oh no you don't!

You best not be peein' on MY seat!

Her website Oprah.com pulls in over 70 million page views per month (this is approximately 70 million times as many page views as the site you are currently viewing).  The site’s email inbox sees an excess of 20,000 messages PER WEEK.  Granted, I’ll be a few of them are peddling boner pills (“Stedman, stay off my computer!”), promising immense wealth from foreign lotteries, or suggesting that she will suffer the wrath of one million angry beavers if she doesn’t forward this super cute photo of a kitty in a bunny suit to 300 friends immediately, but the majority of them are probably from actual fans.  The real emails are lovingly whisked into the Recycle bin by officially licensed Oprah-loompas who are chained to elementary school desks and fed leftover chicken bones from Ezell’s Famous Chicken.2

Her 42-acre estate in Montecito, CA (near Santa Barbara) is called “The Promised Land.”  I think it’s an awesome idea to name one’s house, or for that matter, any important belongings.  I’ve named my last three phones, my iPod, and my computer (Flip, Rory, Billy, Alix, and Jimmy, respectively).  Maybe one day when I’m living in a mansion on 400 acres I’ll call it “Uranus,” because that joke will never die.

She was romantically involved with John Tesh!! (no joke needed).

oprah-kfc-factory-farms

"Allow me to BLOW. YOUR. MIND."

She’s the only individual to have appeared on Time Magazine’s Most Influential People list every year since its inception (2004).  Nobody, including Chuck Norris, or this guy can make the same claim.

Year in and year out she is one of the most philanthropic entertainers in the world, and as of 2007 had donated ~$303 million to various charities.  In addition to giving money she also gives a shit about her fans, guests, and fellow Americans.  Maybe that explains how she came from nothing to become one of the most recognized and respected people the world over.

GOD BLESS OPRAH.

Or does Oprah bless God?

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Footnotes:

  1. The copyright is processing so don’t even think about stealing my idea!
  2. This is a flat out lie.  They are fed very small chicken wings.3,4
  3. Also a lie.
  4. Really?! Footnotes within footnotes? Knock it off.

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TALKING POINTS
Anyone have an amazing Oprah fact that is worth sharing?
Seriously….John Tesh?!
How long until there’s an Oprah Opra?  What will the title be?

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  • I'm not sure what her stance is on renewable energy (perhaps squatting), but I wouldn't doubt your claim, Mr. Snapple Cap. She's powerful….like “the sun” powerful.

  • She heard that… =)

  • I'm not sure what her stance is on renewable energy (perhaps squatting), but I wouldn't doubt your claim, Mr. Snapple Cap. She's powerful….like “the sun” powerful.

  • She heard that… =)

  • Ryan O

    Oprah can power a hot air balloon for 35 minutes every time she farts.

  • The BIG "O"

    glad Oprah's retiring…the bags under her eyes suggest she needs some sleep…poisoned apple anyone?

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